He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My nipple is on Facebook.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
