I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
