I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
