My liver just broke up with me...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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