It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
