DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
