Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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