She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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