Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
