I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
not ubering you a puppy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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