At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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