I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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