i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
