My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
