New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
