New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
