Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
