Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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