from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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