I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
