Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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