look no pants
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
