i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
