I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
