I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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