i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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