a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
