living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
