"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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