so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
