Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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