So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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