i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
