tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
