**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
