My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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