I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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