The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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