The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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