I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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