i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
