Will you blow on my dice?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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