Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
