so that wasnt chicken after all
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
