Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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