I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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