Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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