He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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