You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
