i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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