The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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