Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize