I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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