I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
