Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
