yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
