My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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