i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
there is puke in my bra ... again
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