Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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