I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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