is your mom at the bar?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
